#276- Michael & Lauryn on Stress & Anxiety Transcription
Okay, back to the show.
It’s funny that you say that I’m interviewing some, some people for my book that’s coming out next year. And some of the people say yes, and they send me back, like really lazy work. It’s like one sentence answers disappointingly.
And it’s so disappointing. I would rather you just say you can’t do it at this time, and then other people. And I’m just gonna shout her out here right now. Kristin Cavallari she’s so busy, and she’s got so much going on. And she was so professional and sends back these meaty, beautiful answers. And you can tell that she’s one of those people that doesn’t commit to anything unless she’s going to give 100%. So my thing is, if you’re going to text someone back, I don’t want to just text yes or no or heart it I want to actually give it give a good response, or I just think that it’s good. I’m not gonna text back.
Yeah. So I think I would say with this, if anybody that’s ever listened to this show has sent me a message, and I haven’t responded, it’s because I haven’t been able to give 110% and I don’t wanna let you down, I’d rather be this guy. I’d rather be the guy that says, hey, I emailed that person, and never got a response, like, that was kind of rude, as opposed to Yeah, email that guy. And he gave me this shit response. And it was like, really like lackluster response. And anything like, I don’t want to be that guy. Or the reverse of that is email me and I do respond, I want it to be like, I want a rave review, like you just did with Kristen. And I don’t want to be in the middle. And so I think that, you know, especially now with the child and you know, wanting to take as much extra time as I can to be with her. I think that for anybody listening, try not to live this was like a really long response. We went on tangent here. In your inbox at the mercy of your text messages at the mercy of your phone calls, like, you know, it’s not worth it. It’s disappointing, not only to yourself to others, it causes so much stress and anxiety for everyone. And so I would, I would highly encourage people to be selective in their responses.
I completely agree. And I think that’s giving us a lot of anxiety is feeling like we have to respond to everything if I see a DM about a shirt that I’m wearing and I see 100 DMS about it, I’m just going to answer it in one swoop on my story so everyone can get the answer. But if I see a question that’s that’s super unique in my DMS and I haven’t answered it, I’ll really try to respond. So I think it’s about picking and choosing what you can do and what you’re capable of. And like Michael and I just said, if you have kids, you have to know where to allocate your energy
Then the sixth one there cuz I said it was five and six is just be quick. If you’re following if you’re on social media a lot try to limit that you know, even set a timer. So what I do on my phone is I set a timer on my Instagram or like you can do it into your settings and like screen time and it literally kicks me off if I go past my allotted time. And with something that you’ve said a long time going if you’re following anybody on social on any platform, tick tock, Instagram, YouTube, podcasts, anyone, they make you feel bad or they make you feel triggered
When you shouldn’t, you should unfollow, stop listening, stop consuming because it’s just contributing to more stress and anxiety like they listen. There’s a lot of amazing creators out there you can align with you don’t have to follow every single person if they trigger you like which, you know, that’s that’s an issue you gotta deal with, like, unfollow, don’t know,
If someone isn’t providing value to my life, I’m wasting a minute a day, two minutes a day, three minutes a day consuming their content. That’s a lot of fuckin minutes a year.
And that applies to us too. And if you ever see anything from us, and it triggers you, or gives you stress or anxiety, like unfollow for a while like, it’s okay, I’d rather people be in a good headspace.
It’s like It’s like toxic people. You don’t want toxic people in your ether in your space. So why should you have it on social media? Which brings me to my next point, which I don’t know how you’re gonna react to. But since I gave birth, I have backed the fuck off emails. I found that emails were everyone else’s to do list I found
We just covered this
Yes, but hold on. I’m going to even take this further. I found that by the time I logged on to emails, two weeks later, half the shit had been solved anyways, so it didn’t even need a response.
So told that story. I’ve told the story about the fax machine on the show before
Tell it again.
No, no, no, what’s my dad told me the story about a good friend of his love
How you say no, no, no. And then you start a story. All right, go ahead and
Gather round gather around the fireplace everybody. Yeah, my dad had a really successful business partner back in the day and the guy told him a story said whenever, you know they used to communicate off fax, maybe even like the Pony Express back then. And that’s a little Pony Express joke or thriller, he didn’t laugh. But he you know, he would get these faxes, they come in and they’d say, urgent, urgent, get back ASAP, ASAP. And he said he would take that fax, and he put it at the very bottom of the pile of faxes. And he said, as he worked through the rest of the faxes and got to all the things by the time he got back to the top of either one, sorted itself to been irrelevant. Three gone away, or four actually was important and like then he had to pay attention. But typically 75% of the time, it was just, you know, it wasn’t as urgent as they thought.
So that’s what I did. After I gave birth I decided to get off email. And that meant for like, five months, I had a maternity leave sign, I just turned it off.
And anything that was really important probably got to you.
And exactly, that’s exactly what happened. And I went through 3000 emails and there were maybe 50 that were really important and what I was doing was I was just checking in. This is a trick that I really don’t want anyone to know. But I will share it. I just checked my email on Sunday night and here’s why this trick is amazing. If you check your email and respond on Sunday nights, no one is on email. So imagine it’s just like silent. It’s just peaceful. Now, if you decide to return all your emails on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, what’s gonna happen you’re gonna get an email, right back on Sunday, there’s no response, which is lovely. So I go in, I respond to all my emails, there’s no response back and it feels really peaceful and serene.
I love going to Europe and having a nine hour time difference because you start working on a Monday and everybody
Makes me horny. And then what I also do is after I’ve emailed my team 8000 emails I say to them, please do not respond to the emails to flood my inbox. Let me know on the call. Next time we talk on our sprint the answers so what I know you No, you’re telling us you know,
You know what it is I got. I’m just done with emails now. I’m done. I’m kind of done with the emails with the dead.
I’m also done with tech. Oh, I mean, in general, I’m done.
No, I mean, like in this conversation, okay, we got it.
Okay. All right, we got it.
So the next thing that I did to manage my anxiety was get my hormones checked. And I’m not gonna go into too much on this because I want to do a full episode on it. But it turned out my hormones were completely out of whack. And I am now doing a ton of different things to get them back into place. And I don’t know if that’s the right verbiage. And this is new for me. But anyways, my hormones were out of whack I got them checked. If you’re feeling out of whack or you’re feeling super anxious and like really irritable, I would highly recommend going and getting them checked. And here’s the tip. Don’t go to your regular doctor go to a hormone specialist, because the hormone specialist is going to look at your blood levels differently than a regular doctor would. A regular doctor is going to look at the whole general scheme of your blood, whereas a hormone doctor is going to look around really, really micro and see what’s going on. Like I said, I’m going to do a podcast on this. But that’s another tip. If you’re feeling anxious,
I haven’t done that yet. But I need to do that.
Yeah, you’re gonna get no, I’m scheduling.
You know, here’s one, here’s a small one. But I find it helpful. Sometimes you know, you ever sitting on a plane or not when none of us are sitting on planes right now. But if you’re sitting around, you get like that wave of anxiety. Sometimes I get it, you might not experience it. But what I do whenever I’m feeling that way is I stop and I open my Notes app, and I write a minimum of 20. Things that are good in my life. It could be like, I have a great dog. It can be so something so stupid.
What about your wife?
Like I have an amazing wife. It’s like a great set of cans and like the perfect baby’s like that could be like that. That’s, that could be one. But my point is, is like, I think, you know, sometimes when you start it’s like, oh, you know, a lot of us don’t, I don’t maybe I don’t have 20 things. You have 20 things. It could be little things. But you get down the list and you take a time into five minutes and just write as 20 good things in your life could be a good friend and good boyfriend. Yeah, have a good day. Have a good like whatever it is. You have had a good lunch like you read a good book like 20 good things. If you do that every time you start to feel stressed, you’re going to start to feel better over time. And so like that’s just a small thing I do anytime I feel a little bit anxious or a little bit fearful, you just write down and it helps give perspective.
Another thing Michael and I have done to manage our anxieties and actually has helped our relationship a lot is mushrooms. And I have talked about this on the podcast that we are not going to talk about this until we have an expert on the podcast so we can tell our story and they can tell the science behind it because like I said, we’re not experts, but shrooms really, really helped me with postpartum anxiety. Like, it’s almost gone.
Yeah, but I don’t want to. I don’t want people to go out there and run off to do it without having the proper resources in the proper setting. And so
Please hold on that one
And Michael Pollan came on the show. Okay, another one that I guarantee is not on your list when I fucking guarantee it.
I guarantee it is.
I guarantee you, it’s not what if you’re stressed about finances? There’s a lot of people that are on your list now. Yeah, exactly. I fucking knew it. My wife has no idea if I will die tomorrow, like you don’t even know where to find our money.
I just it’s just not my favorite subject.
Clearly I know. But for those people that there’s some, there’s a lot of people out there, especially now, with this post COVID era that we live in, that are stressed about finances, you know, think about money a lot, think about how to make a living, wondering what’s in their savings, wondering how to invest all these things. And I think, you know, to try to give a whole podcast on all the intricacies of finance, we got it, we can start working on that if there’s people that are interested. But one simple thing that you should do if you’re somebody that is completely stressed about finances, what I find is that most of the people that are stressed about finances actually have very little understanding of money and finance. They are the people that are the most stressed and are typically the ones that pay the least amount of attention. Maybe not you learn but they don’t. You know, they’re scared to look in their bank accounts. They’re scared to look in their savings. They’re scared to look at their bills. They don’t want to look at how to invest and it’s because it’s stressful. They every time they look at it in a low number. It’s not where they want it to be, they stress themselves out. So I find the best way to not be stressed about finances is to understand money and finance. And there’s one book that I would recommend that it’s actually been really helpful and explains it in a very layman’s term type of way, surprisingly, you know, is by Tony Robbins, it’s, it’s called Money Master the game and for anybody that’s sitting there, like, maybe it sounds like a boring subject. But if you’re somebody that’s constantly stressed about finances, and money and savings and in, I could not recommend this resource more than enough because you’ll start to understand money, how to invest, why, how to save, why you save, like how to squeeze more out of your income. And I think if you understand money, and that’s the whole point of this book, it will alleviate a lot of the stress points and anxiety around money.
I just want to say that from an outside perspective, I watched Michael read this book, and I watched how he began to manage our finances. And it was a completely different energy. So that book is for sure I should be on everyone’s list.
There’s a few there’s a few books but I think like that one is a really good place to start.
You have to do an episode on money management.
The reason I spend I tend to stay away from that as I’m by no means a financial expert to write this piece for CNN like and they asked about like finance and I don’t know if I’m gonna I it’s not very equipped. I’m equipped to talk about my experience, but there’s many people that are much more equipped, which is why we should probably have those other people on the show. But I would say, if you’re somebody that’s constantly finding yourself stressed about money, start the path of understanding money and finance and that’s a good place to start because it’ll alleviate a lot of your stress just by understanding it just like anything else, though.
The next one I have on my list is thinking time. I learned about thinking time from Ray Dalio now this sounds this sounds almost dumb thinking time, but thinking time has changed my life. I spend five to 10 minutes a day thinking. I’ll just sit there and think I’ll play with Zaza and just let my thoughts go. Or I’ll sit there with a pen and paper and just think and write. And I think it’s underrated, to just sit with a pen and paper and think and that sounds so simple, but to empty your thoughts on the page, and as Julia Child said, do the morning pages every morning, which is like a brain dump of three pages, sometimes that can feel overwhelming. So just one page of just thinking and writing to get everything on paper is extremely helpful, in my opinion. So schedule some thinking time in your calendar, five to 10 minutes. It’s not a big deal.
I agree. I think that if you don’t set time aside to sit to think and reflect, it’s really difficult to keep up with the pace of the day. Speaking of that, I would say one of the biggest things that I’ve learned and why Lauren and I don’t even own cable, we don’t even have cable in this. In this house. It’s all on Apple TV, and we buy the shows that we want to watch. And the reason we stopped is I want people to stop watching the news. I want them to stop reading the news. I want them to stop consuming the news. If and I’m saying if because I’m not saying don’t pay attention what’s going on in the world. If you are someone that is constantly sucked into the narrative, constantly stressed out by what you see, constantly triggered by what’s going on underneath. And that these news platforms are not only news, but they’re a form of entertainment. And sometimes they’re and they’re also a business. And I know that, you know, there’s a lot of people that have written into the show that have worked for news organizations, they get mad at me for saying this. And it’s not a knock on independent journalists. There’s a lot of great journalists. But the news can be triggering and it causes a lot of anxiety. And a lot of people feel like they have to jump in and do something immediately. I’ve noticed that if you just stop watching the news cycle for five days, five to seven days, you will feel better, I will feel better, all of us feel better. And so once in a while, turn off the news, go read a hard book, go workout, go work on your you know, your career, go write something go be grateful go do something else besides just consuming all of this chaotic, and sometimes toxic stuff that’s out in the news. And that’s a big tip that I think more people should listen to about how to feel better and less stressed listings. I mean, look what’s happened with the new cycle with everything that’s going on this year. There’s a lot of things that we’ve obviously needed to be aware of and known about it. You can do that by reading, but just constantly they’ve been to someone’s house and they just have the news on all day long. The most stress people ever
He’s one of them, your dad.
You guys are stressed the fuck out, you know, because the news cycles on it, it’s just take it easy. Take a step back and go do something productive, go out, take a walk, go get an exercise.
It’s not to say all media is bad. It’s just to say if you’re, if you’re a stressed person, and the news is playing in the background over and over with negativity, and I’m not saying it’s all negative, but a big part of it is then maybe try turning it off and putting on some Bossa Nova.
I have some business partners that you know, like, I come in like bright eyed and bushy tailed, and they’re like, have you been watching the news? And I’m like, No, like, but you seem like you’re pretty fucking stressed and wait, like, you know, like, they’re they’re all whacked out because they’ve been watching the news and they’re freaked out and like, I get it, like they may know more about what’s going on in the world than I do at that moment. But I feel a hell of a lot better. And that’s, that’s really all the correlation I’m looking for. Especially because I know that I’m probably not going to change the world in the six to 12 hours of the new cycle. That day, you know, there’s other things that can do it. So take a break, guys take a step back once in a while, turn it off, get off Twitter, get off, you know, get off the news outlets and just like, see what happens. And you can always go back to it. It’s not going anywhere.
By the way, that also has to do with like Daily Mail, I noticed that I would read Daily Mail and I was eating lunch and it started to get a little bit negative. So I checked myself, I think you constantly have to be monitoring yourself and monitoring the content that you consume. Because if you’re not doing that, no one else is going to do it for you. And again, it’s one minute a day, then it’s two minutes a day, then it’s three minutes a day, and all of a sudden you’re inundated with all this negativity. So the podcasts you listen to the Instagram stories, the Instagram accounts that you consume are making up a big part of your brain. So make sure it’s positive. And if you don’t want to follow someone on Instagram or Instagram stories that you already follow, just mute them simple. The next tip I have is one that I learned from my baby. And it’s something that I didn’t even know that I needed until I got pregnant and
I thought you were gonna say me and I was kind of grossed out. By the way. You said baby, but then it was now I realized it was the baby. I was like, don’t call it you know, like when people are like, oh, babe, I don’t like that. But it turns out it’s about our actual child. Okay. And I was like, well, that’s weird. Yeah, right. I get it.
Well, you just popped up.
I was like, What is that? I’m like,
Well, I wasn’t talking about you looking at me and my baby. Okay, I like my baby Zaza. And it’s something that I didn’t know I needed until I got pregnant. And that’s nature. I have had this revelation recently that I want to be in nature more. I live in LA and we used to live in San Diego and San Diego has way more nature than LA and I need and crave trees and fresh air and mountains and flowers and herbs. And I just think that as I continue to grow in life, one of my non negotiables is being somewhere that has way more nature than we are right now. So I’ve been feeling like I need to go And seek out nature more. And I noticed every single time I do that I feel 100% better and that includes grounding. And I talk about this a lot on the blog. It’s where you put your feet and your hands to the earth. And the ions from the earth actually make you feel better. And if you don’t believe me, Michael Bosstick was hung over one day and I took him to Del Mar beach and put us Goddamn feet in the sand. And what did you say to me?
Was I still hung over.
You said that you were not hung over anymore. You did say that.
The beach healed me Lauryn im kidding it did help.
the beach did heal you
They all said aspirin but
Whatever. It’s good. Yeah, it’s fine. All right, more or less down here. But I would say like if you’ve you know, as you’ve stopped consuming all these things and as you have more time, I would say the biggest thing to help with anxiety and stress is to get to work. You know, human beings are meant to work, whether that’s working out whether it’s working on a business, whether it’s working on a project, whether that’s working on a creative outlet, painting, whatever work. Human beings are meant to work. That’s what we’re put on this planet to work, work work. Some people get it twisted and they think they’re supposed to work and then one day retire for the rest of their life and do nothing. I’ve never understood the concept of being productive your whole life so that one day you could be unproductive, I don’t get it never will, never understand. I understand people want to travel and take time off and not work for somebody. But you should always have something to work on to keep your mind occupied, whether that’s, you know, a hobby, or a business, or right writing, whatever work constantly works. And when you find yourself working, and you’re actually being productive if you find yourself in a space where you don’t have a lot of time to be stressed and worrying because you’re actually doing so go and do and do and do start today go work on something. If you just start working one foot in front of the other, you’ll find that your stress levels in anxiety start to go down immensely.
So that’s a peak and Michael in my mind, and that’s a big peek into our mind during quarantine. And during everything that’s going on and just how to manage stress and anxiety. Everyone goes through it. It is something that you have to be prevented from To get ahead of, I hope that these tips helped. Let us know which part of this episode you’re interested in us exploring more. So maybe it’s the shrooms, the hormones, the grounding, whatever it is, let us know on my latest Instagram @theskinnyconfidential and as always, some of the team members will drop into a few of your inboxes and send you guys the new cheeky pink stickers. Make sure you guys have rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. We’re doing some huge giveaways in the next month. And to be entered you have to rate and review the podcast takes five seconds on iTunes. As always, thank you guys so much for listening and we’ll see you on Friday.