#276- Michael & Lauryn on Stress & Anxiety Transcription
The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
She’s a lifestyle blogger – extraordinaire! And he’s a serial entrepreneur – a very smart cookie! And now Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential Him & Her. Aha!
Hey, hey hey Happy Tuesday Welcome back to The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Show. Michael in the yellow what’s up honey?
I look like Woody from Toy Story, because I was wearing the bandana earlier because he got to wear the masks and I’ve adopted I don’t wear the medical mask anymore. I wear the bandana and I’m actually kind of happy about it. Everyone’s complaining about it. Sometimes you have to wear the mask. But I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time where you get to wear like the cowboy bandana on your neck.
You secretly love it.
Yeah, I like it. I walked into the bank the other day like a robber. Obviously I wasn’t robbing and the guy looked at me like normally the security guy there and he would say like, you can’t come in like that. But this time he was just like, I guess that’s what you do now. The face covering
I’m all about the face covering.
You know, the face coverings getting in the way of my makeup. If I’m being honest, I do cover my face. So no one freaks out, but it is like rubbing off on my makeup. So they need to invent something for that. And then like, you know, there’s other things if I want to do things
Why do you need makeup if you gotta a mask,
Because you have to take the mask off and you get inside
You never take the mask off, or do you never take it off.
Sometimes I take it off
Big no no Fauci would not like that big. No, no, you got it. You’re gonna make it spread. I keep it on full time if
they need to invent a mask that has a hole in it. So you can suck on a straw.
Gotta be careful what you say on podcasts about masks. You know, one of the bigger podcasts he’s getting a lot of shit. He’s uncancelable though. So a lot of people are mad. He’s
Rogen. Yeah, he’s out there. He’s saying master for bitches. I was like shit I better but you know, I bet if I were not I want to be called out.
Okay, first of all,
We’ve now we’re gonna get cancelled. So I
I want to mask though, with a hole in it. Like I want a small hole for my pink silicone straw so I can drink my iced coffee out of it. It’s annoying. And don’t don’t say something faloic here. I really just want the whole right
Stick your finger in it.
I won’t say anything, everybody welcome back to the show guys. We have an exciting episode today. It’s an exciting Yeah, it’s exciting. It’s a solo episode. So episode we’re back just off of the release of our wildly popular podcast last week with Dr. Michael Gervais received very well bumping up the charts crushing it and I think because one he’s you know, every time I talk to Michael Gervais i can’t i i always kick myself like why do we not talk to this guy more often? You know, I was actually mad that it took us so long to have him on the show. He’s so great. So anyways, if you guys haven’t checked out that episode yet go back last week and listen all about dealing with anxiety. Gonna sneeze there Lauryn, Lauryns about to sneeze, we can edit that out. I can barely hear it. Got it down. Okay. malfunction. Again there but yeah, so all about anxiety dealing with NPD what is n? VDS?
No, it’s narcissistic personality.
Then we also talked about how he wakes up in the morning so he said he wakes up every single morning he takes a huge breath in through his nose out through his mouth. And then he says three things he’s grateful for in his head and sets an intention of how he wants the day to go and then puts his feet on the ground and grounds his feet and I’ve been doing that ever since he told me it takes one second and I think it’s really helpful it’s just a small little change that you can make to your day that adds some flair.
Yeah, so it was about dealing with anxiety stress and NPDs i thought i could screw up the acronym and P d so
You have it?
I might have it I might I was as he was talking all this shit. Do I have these do I exhibit these its uncurable? So even if I do just have to live with that and then not knocking out negativity all these can you care? Can you care of them? I don’t know. Who knows. But anyways, so guys, check that one out today. We you know, we want to follow this up with sometimes we get letters and not letters. What am I talking about today?
We get messages in a bottle
Yeah, somebody drops it.
A sparrow comes and puts it on our balcony.
Type it on an old typewriter and they send it in to our post office,
The carrier pigeon box.
Yeah, but so you know, we get messages saying, Hey, can you give us your tactics and follow up soon we have these amazing guests and they start talking about these, these ideas broadly, sometimes they get really granular. And then you know, sometimes we leave it hanging and don’t necessarily respond and talk about how we apply these tactics to our own life. So we thought this episode might be interesting to talk about how we manage stress and anxiety in our own lives. Because I know this year has been really anxiety filled with the entire world and stressful and so we thought, maybe, hey, listen to that one, and then maybe come back in this one and get some tactics that you could potentially apply to your own life to manage stress and anxiety.
And just so like everyone, we can lay it all out there. I think it’s really important to let everyone know that we both definitely experience anxiety. We like even depression a little bit. I’ve experienced a little bit of depression. Since I had a baby, and we’re going to talk about how it got better, but anxiety is something we both experienced just like everyone else. So I don’t think anyone’s untouched from anxiety. No, that’s an important
I would say that it’s the biggest. It’s the biggest hurdle mentally that I have to deal with is anxiety for me personally.
All the time. Yeah, it took a long time to manage it. I don’t say I’ve conquered it. I’ve managed it. I helped manage.
Yeah, Tim Ferriss gave the best tip I’ve ever heard on anxiety and I continue to use this tip every day. He said, instead of waiting for the anxiety to come and then doing something to fix it. He’s preventative about it. So ever since I heard that I always am doing preventative things. And you know that if you follow me on Instagram, through my Instagram stories, I’m always finding creative ways to prevent the anxiety from even happening, which is why after I had a baby and I experienced that postpartum anxiety, it knocked me on my ass because I was so used to getting ahead of it. So this episode, like Michael said, is going to have a lot of takeaways in it. I hope if you just find one gem in here, that has You will feel like we did our job. Do you want to start? Would you like me to start? Michael Bosstick?
I would like you to start. And I think it’s worth noting, you know, a lot of the learning that I’ve been doing this for a while now. So in the beginning, we had to get, you know, we had to work in our notes a lot more. But I think as you practice the podcasting muscle, you get more comfortable. And so this is actually a scenario where we actually haven’t even talked about what we have to talk about with each other. We just broadly literally, earlier today said, hey, let’s do a podcast on this subject. And so we haven’t. I don’t actually don’t know what’s on your list.
Yeah, I think we each definitely took our own notes. I have my own notes. He has his but we haven’t discussed the notes together because I was actually worried that you were going to copy me
What if we have the same now?
I’m gonna call you out and you’re copying me?
So I’ll go first. So the first thing I do when I’m in a really anxious scenario, and this I don’t know if this is good advice, but this is something that’s worked for me is I detach, and Michael sometimes gets mad about this. But for me to wrap my head around things, I have to detach from the situation and take myself out of it. And how I do that is I read a book,
I don’t get mad at you for doing that. I actually admire that you can do that. And I envy you that you’re able to do that. Because it’s, you know, and I think I’ve gotten better at being able to do it. But many of us can’t just detach, it’s not as easy. See, it’s not done as something that you are blessed to be able to do. Because now it is easy to just detach from things
If you were talking, you would say, Yes, it is.
No, it’s not. I know, I know. I know. It’s possible. And I know it’s a choice. And I know it can be done. And I do do it in scenarios, but you do it very easily and skillfully all the time.
I wouldn’t say easily. It’s definitely a muscle that I’ve worked
Well, let’s say you’re better at that muscle than I am.
Okay. So when my mom passed away, I was 18 years old, and I obviously was traumatized. And how I found the way to deal with it was to detach. I had to detach from it a little for a little bit, probably I would say like, eight months and I had to wrap my head around what was going on and how I did that. Was I got outside myself, and I did a lot of reading I was in nature a lot. I would be quiet, I would have thinking time, but the main thing I would do is read and reading I feel like takes you into another realm. So that’s my first tip is detaching,
This might be kind of fucked up to say to you, and I don’t know if I’ve actually ever said it to you. But in a weird kind of way. How am I going to say this to you without like, upsetting you or upsetting Anyone else? When you like, okay, when you’ve experienced a death like that, that’s so close to home that’s so like someone like your mother, like your mother. That is so traumatic and so difficult to process. I can only imagine that what it does is it gives you a really strong perspective on other things. Like for example, if a guy breaks, if you were say you were dating, and a guy broke up with you, that is not going to be a comparable comparable setback compared to the death of your mother or if you’re in a business, if you’re in a business and the business loses money, like again, it’s not comparable to the death of your mother. And so I think people that have experienced that too. Book traumatic traumatic death that you have, in a weird way in this way, I hope it’s not offensive, have kind of a superpower because you’ve had to deal with such an extreme hardship and
No, it’s Yes, you have perspective because like that is about is it as bad as it can get, like if I lost you or I lost the baby or lose a parent or a sibling or, you know, a loved one, like, that’s about as bad as like, I would in two seconds, if somebody gave me the opportunity and said, Hey, you either lose your wife or your baby or you lose everything, I would throw everything else down a well, in about two seconds, maybe less. So. So I think when you’ve experienced a loss like that, it helps you win other things. And I’ve noticed this in your life, like aren’t as big of a deal to you, right? And I think, in a weird way, I don’t wanna say no, because it’s the wrong way but in a weird way, it gives you a perspective to not be as nearly nearly as upset because you’ve already experienced something that hard. You know, what’s the worst Lauryn.
Being thirsty and dehydrated?
Yeah, especially you know, you get like a dry pruney lap
I’m talking about personally but also you know, you physically Do you don’t want to be, you don’t wanna be thirsty.
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Okay, let’s get back into the show.
Yeah, I can be blase about things I can be real blase and it annoys you sometimes because you’re probably right. I’ve worked out that muscle of adversity a lot. And I’m sure there’s a lot of listeners that have to and I don’t know why you think that would be fucked up please.
I just wanted to be careful how I said because I know there’s people that listen to the show that have experienced death like that that have experienced death of a child or a loved one or a parent or
It was pretty eloquent.
Yeah, and I and I think like in a certain way if there is not a lot of silver lining there. Because obviously it’s, it’s terrible to lose a loved one, it’s like my worst fear. But so if there is a silver lining, it’s that as you go through the rest of your life, once you’ve experienced something that hard, the rest of the stuff doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. You know, like if you lose a business deal or an advertiser or you like, you know, or someone tries to cancel, it’s not nearly as big of a deal is losing your mother.
Well, maybe that’s why this is a good one to start with. Because I know a lot of people that are listening have lost their job, or they’re experiencing maybe some kind of trauma in COVID. And maybe this one is a good one to start with, because it is one that can really work out that muscle of adversity to just detach from the situation. I think sometimes when you are nose to nose with something and you’re staring at it in the face all the time, you don’t have perspective. So to detach, get outside yourself, read a book, get involved in someone else’s story. It really, really helps. So I don’t know if that’s like the best anxiety tip but that’s my first one.
Well, I would say I hope none of our listeners experience, need to have an experience like that to discover that but if they did that it’s this it’s a way to look at it. You know, I don’t want to say I copied you here but my number one, my number
Whats your number one
But I get my number one and two and you knew this was coming from what it is to read and because I believe with reading you know they would there’s a quote
Well with reading it helps like you said detach it helps you take you to a place it helps you give it it helps you see a different perspective and and one of the things I’ve been saying to read for years if you’re just like, Hey, I don’t have time to read a book and I don’t want you do have time if you take the time but if you if you don’t have the time to read a book and don’t want to invest fully. One thing I have been saying on this show for years and so is Lauryn is to read the daily stoic by Ryan Holiday the way I use it as I read a page each day as it corresponds to the day of the year. I’ve done it for the last five years. And then I write back and reflect on the passage that I just wrote. I love stoicism I think, you know, we’ve talked about a lot on the show. We have episodes about it. So you can start there. But if you want to take it a step further, like I believe That if you want to get rid of stress and anxiety you should read read read everything you can not necessarily a business book if that puts you in a state of being like, oh, should I get stressed about business? But and read on a hard book, you know, not on screen like I think a lot of people, you know, we get used to reading on our Kindle or iPad or our phone like to actually pick up a hard book. And what I like to read about when I’m stressed is hard lives and people that have had rough times. So one book that I’ve constantly talked about is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. You know, he’s a guy that he’s a Jewish man that survived the Holocaust, he survived the internment camps and live to write and talk about it. I think if you read that book immediately gives you perspective. You know, any biography about somebody that’s had to overcome something really difficult. There’s a lot of amazing biographies out there. Even novels. There’s a good one called Shantaram. Lauryn and I look like a lot. It’s also about a hard life. You know, and read about hard times. There’s another book I just read. I’m just rattling them off here because frequent ones called Empire of the summer moon. It’s about The Rise and Fall of the Comanche Nation and when you start to think one how hard the Native Americans had it in this country and to some of the settlers early on like you just be out living with their family and next thing you know you’re being you’re being murdered so I just think like when you start to read books there’s another one called Not fadeaway by Peter Barton you know he’s a guy that had it all and basically was diagnosed with in later died really you know, unfortunately
When breath becomes air is a good one too. When breath becomes air is such a good book, you guys if you need perspective, you read that. I stole that from you.
Yep. And then a good one woman I go back to all the time if I ever find myself worrying and it’s overlooked a lot because the author has written you know, a powerhouse of a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People don’t read that one. That one is a great one. If you haven’t, you could check it out. But for anxiety, he wrote one about one that I actually like better called How To Stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie. Like anytime I feel like I’m starting to worry. I checked that one out. You know, and like I said, if you read and take the time to go and read about hard lives and hard periods of time, and times in history when we didn’t have technology and didn’t have the comforts that we have now it immediately gives you perspective to say, oh, okay, maybe I don’t have it that bad, even with what’s been going on in the world right now with Cova. Like, go read about the black plague right and read about how people were dying in the millions and millions and couldn’t figure it out. And they were literally killing cats to try to, to solve for and it turned out that it wasn’t the cats it was the rats and so when they killed the cats and made all the rats go even crazier, and it just read about history and people that have hard lives and I think it’s a it’s a really good way to gain perspective and to stop worrying and stressing out
When they killed the cats. It made the rats go crazier.
Yeah. Because they thought that the cat’s back. I mean, we didn’t have to explain. Listen, here’s a good example. We didn’t have the type or they didn’t have the type of technology that we have. Now. He didn’t have this new cycle. He didn’t have information readily available. I mean, literally, people started dying in one town and the other town didn’t know it until they started dying. Like it just it was you know, just that’s how it happened. And so, you know, also with a lack of technology and scientific study back then they figured what the hell is making us all sick and they thought it was all the cats. They thought the cats were making people sick but it turns turned out it was the rats. And when they started killing all the cats to get rid of it, think about what happened with the rats when all the cats are gone, multiply, get bigger and bigger. And so even, you know, spread and spread, spread and more died. So it’s just like,
Yeah, no, I mean, listen, people had a really fucking rough back then I was reading this book, which one was I reading the other day? The point of the book was the average lifespan of a male that this book in this period that was reading and I’ll think about it as this code goes on, was 38 years old. I’m 33 right now, that means that in five years would be the end of my life. Like, I’d be like, Okay, I’m 33 like, I’d be an old old man right now. I’d be like, done with, you know, three fourths of my life. And then boom, 30-38 you’re dead. So just like think about that. And they think, you know, when I read history, I’m like, okay, we don’t have it that bad. Things aren’t always the best, but we don’t have it that bad
Just to play off because readings on my list to one of the books that I’m reading that I think is so helpful and relevant in this time is untamed by Glennon Doyle and I didn’t know it’s so popular on Instagram, but you guys This book, it’s the way she writes, she describes emotions and feelings that women have, that you can’t put into words. And it’s so relevant. She has a whole chapter on racism. She talks about body image, she talks about how important it is when it comes to disappointing yourself or disappointing someone else that you always have to choose yourself. You always have to choose not to disappoint yourself, and choose yourself over the other person and she goes into depth about it. So that’s another good one to read. If you’re feeling anxious, I bookmarked the fuck out of this book. I mean, I’ve highlighted it. I’ve read it to Michael, and she’s coming on the podcast. I’m very excited about that. But, um, this book is really, really good for the time that we’re in, I think
Yeah, the last line by Winston Winston, not by Winston Churchill. It’s about Winston Churchill. That’s what it was about the Victorian era. I think that’s right history bustle, correct me but that’s when it was average section 38 Victorian era. England. last line. Okay about Winston Churchill that’s it but yes,
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